Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
