But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
