You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
