But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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