after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
