Already got asked if we're dating
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
