im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She said her name was "party"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Randomize
