Buhtt sex?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
