The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
