this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize