Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
