remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
