yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
pray to the hookup gods
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
