I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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