haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
