he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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