false alarm. still invincible.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
