And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
