Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
