Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
