i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think people are normalizing furries
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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