My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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