the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
