it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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