I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize