Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
