Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
