I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
