i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He shit in the fireplace
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
