Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
