No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize