Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
