Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i will never coherently bang her
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
