She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
