I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
