Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
