my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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