You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this just has baby written all over it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
