i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
