I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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