This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
