You're so nebulous sometimes
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
