she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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