toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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