im having a threesome with these popsicles
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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