he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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