I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
