Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
