Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
