I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
