tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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