alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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