Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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