and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
