Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
