can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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