respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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