he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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