I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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