maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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