if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
