We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
