Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
