fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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