The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize