I puked a lego.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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